Queen of My World
by Swift-Dragon
Summary: He felt himself sway and this wave of nausea washed over him. Soon he felt the cold ground and some warm liquid begin to pool beneath him.
1. The Beginning

Standing in the distance he glanced at her beauty. For so long he stood in the distance. For so long he wished to be at her side. Because of her status she could never be his. He sighed once more with pain and closed his eyes for only a moment. For the longest time he was her friend, but at the same time had a hidden passion for her.

Though there were the rare times where he could show his affection. The times where she would cry softly to herself and he was the one who would hear it. The time he spent with her, everyday made him happy and sad. So since he could not tell her how he felt, though she probably knows, he would put together lines that he would one day tell her.

_In the confusion of day and night,_

_You are my guiding light._

_In the time of my madness,_

_You are my sanity._

_One not conquered by vanity,_

_You are the one I wish to kiss._

_There will be a time, my love,_

_Where all will bless us,_

_With the power from above._

_For now I'll guard you as you sleep,_

_And are there when you weep._

_I do not know why I love you,_

_But it will never fade._


	2. Queen Of My Dreams

Hello again. Yes it is Joe thinking about Clarisse and I do realize that it was made up by the movie. So don't hate me or anything. Okay and yes I did write that poem otherwise I would have done a disclaimer for it. And it is very obvious I don't own princess diaries. So enjoy the rest of this story.

_He walked slightly behind Princess Clarisse. His job was to guard her and watch her at all costs. This was a big promotion and he would not fail. He smiled inside as he watched her pull the hair away from her face. She turned around to him._

_"Now this won't be enjoyable if you don't talk to me, Joseph."_

_"Did you want to talk to me, princess?"_

_"_ _Well, yes. It seems you'll be guarding me for a long time so I thought I would get to know you."_

_"Fine, what do you wish to know?"_

_She looked at him and smiled. "How old are you? You can't be much older then me."_

_"True. I am 23 years of age and that is only four years older then you, princess."_

_"You must be the youngest to get this job."_

_"It is only because I show an outstanding job of my work."_

_"I see. How much do you know about me?"_

_"Enough to make a portfolio."_

These images faded from Joe's mind as he woke up. He knew it was far too early to be up, so he turned over to his clock. It said in bright red numbers 3:13. He closed his eyes and rolled over. Slowly he fell asleep.

_"Where are you taking me?"_

_Joe smiled as he led the princess through the garden. Though she never knew that there was this root to take. He came to a bush wall and some how pulled it open like a door. Inside was a secret garden. It had roses and other flowers. In the middle was a single fountain of a dragon. Water was pouring out of his mouth. _

_"I found this the other night."_

_"It's beautiful. How did you find this?"_

_"My secret."_

_He led her over to the fountain side and sat down. He looked at her smile and gaze up at the dragon. He couldn't help, but smile himself. She had changed in the past two years and he knew that she would make a glorious queen._

_Clarisse looked back at him. "What?"_

_"Nothing I was just thinking."_

_"Really. Somehow I know you are thinking about me."_

_"What would make you say that?"_

_"Because I am thinking about you."_

_He smiled even more so and stared at her. Into her eyes plunged himself and didn't even notice he was leaning towards her. She did not notice herself that she also was moving towards him. Slowly his lips touched hers and they seemed to become one. He put his hand up on her cheek and she put her hand on his._

_When he finally came back to reality he pulled away and closed his eyes. He swallowed back his shame. "Clarisse, I should not have. You are engaged not to mention a royal."_

_"Do not be sorry. After all I kissed back."_

_He looked back into her eyes and kissed her on the cheek and said. "We should get back now."_

_"Yes, we should." She said rather sadly._

Joe woke to the rude buzzer of his alarm. He shut it off, and lay there for a few minutes. Why did he dream of the past? He allowed the emotions from his dream fade, but they lingered only slightly. He shook his head and got up.

He dressed himself in the normal entire of a black suit. Joe left the room and headed to the kitchens for breakfast. He knew he would most likely not meet anyone until seven because not many get up at six. Joe was very good at hiding his emotions on the outside but on the inside he was still tangled by his dreams.

Joe was surprised when he entered the kitchen. Princess Mia was sitting there at the table with a book. She was sipping coffee and looked extremely tired. Though as Joe entered she looked up and smiled at him.

"Princess, I don't believe I have ever seen you up this early."

"I couldn't sleep."

"Couldn't sleep or wouldn't sleep?"

"A bit of both. I think I'm just getting nervous."

Joe nodded and turned to the cupboard to get the Raisin Bran. Sometimes he would eat the Cocoa Puffs, but only when no one was looking. "Then I suppose you had a nightmare."

"Yeah, it one those dreams where you don't realize your naked, then everyone starts laughing at you."

"Oh. I see, one of those dreams."

"What did you dream about?"

"I don't dream, princess." Joe said as he poured the cereal into a bowl.

"Sure you do, you just don't remember them. Though I can see your trying to avoid the question so you did have a dream."

"How can you tell if I am avoiding the question?"

"Well, Grandmere told me that you avoid eye contact when you are trying to avoid something."

Joe put the milk down and Mia knew that he was very annoyed. She was also kind of shocked that he believed her bluff. He grabbed a spoon and his cereal and turned around. Mia smiled up at him as innocently as she could. He glared at her and sat down.

"I dreamt of the past."

"Interesting, except I think you left out the detail of my Grandmere."

"What makes you say that?" he said even more annoyed then before.

"Well, it is kind of obvious that you like her. Beside I can see it in your eyes."

"I am barely giving you eye contact, how can you tell?"

"I believe it's the way you're avoiding eye contact. Like your ashamed of something."

He took a big spoonful of cereal and ate it. In the mean time glaring at Mia. _She has got to stop picking up her grandmother's habits._ He thought. Mia smiled back at him very pleased with herself. She hadn't expected it to be this easy. Exactly how her grandmere said it would go.

Joe eased up his stare and finished his cereal. He stood up and took his dishes to the sink. Mia had gone back to her book. Joe was just heading for the door when she stopped him.

"Joe, how long have you felt this way about my grandmere?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well according to this you and her liked each other for a long time."

"According to what? Your book?"

"Yeah, Grandmere gave it to me. It seems it's an old diary of hers."

Joe sighed and left. He headed to the secret room behind the painting of the black stallion. Inside were all computers. Several monitors had images of the many rooms and hallways in the castle. He sat down in one of the many chairs.

He stared at the screens as they changed every so often. He saw Clarisse enter the kitchen. He made the screen freeze. He watched as she sat down by her granddaughter. He knew by the expression on her face she was asking about the book. Then he saw her burst out with laughter. Clearly Mia had told her of earlier.

He shook his head and left the room, just as a junior security officer entered. He nodded to the young lad and continued. The day passed as it normally does. Every minute he spent watching over the queen made time speed. Soon his shift was over and he returned to his room.

His thoughts did not change the whole day. For he had become an expert at daydreaming and working at the same time. Clarisse was queen of his world, inside and out. As he took off his shirt he looked out the window. The sunset had a red and orange glow. Its beauty reminded him of her.

He finally laid back into his bed. He looked up at the ceiling and blankly smiled. When he was alone it was okay to be this way. It was fine because life would not interrupt his world.

Soon he was a sleep and dreaming once more of the past. This dream was one quite recent at the Genovia Ball. He dreamt of dancing with her. And at the same time she also dreamt the same dream.


	3. Queen Of The Night

Well I decided to keep you all happy by writing the next chapter. It me long enough eh? Well I hope you enjoy sorry its short. Oh btw as you can clearly tell by reading there is some Shakespeare in this.

Joe slow lowered himself to the ground. Then slowly pushed himself back up. His position was that of a handstand and as he did his push-ups in that form, he also read Macbeth.

_Banquo: Look, how our partner's rapt._

_Macbeth: If chance will me king, why, chance may crown me, Without my stir._

_Banquo: New honors come upon him, Like strange new garments, cleave not to their mould, But with the aid of use._

Once more he lowered himself down and pushed himself back up. He knew he was a strengths limit because he began to shake, he had to do something to rid himself of his feeling. He read on.

_Macbeth: Come what come may, Time and the hour runs through the roughest day._

_Banquo: Worthy Macbeth, we stay upon your leisure._

_Macbeth: Give me your favor: my dull brain was wrought with things forgotten. Kind gentlemen, your pains are register'd where everyday I turn the leaf to read them. Let us toward the king. Think upon what hath chanc'd; and, at more time, the interim having weigh'd it, let us speak free hearts each to other._

_Banquo: Very gladly_

_Macbeth: Till then, enough. Come, friends._

He always hated the part when he came to the end of the page. So he simply lowered himself once more and rose once more, then let his legs fall to the ground. He stood from there and picked up the book. As he took it back to his bookcase he looked at the clock. It read 11:23. He looked out at the inky black sky and wished to be out there.

Though he knew he shouldn't he still went out. He was quite sure though that someone saw him leave but he did not know whom. Soon he was at the stables and gearing up a black horse. He got one and galloped off into the grounds. There was a forest near by and he knew of a lake within there.

He reached the lakeside and got off his horse. Tying it to the tree he noticed a small cliff hanging over the lake. He planted himself right in top of it. He looked up at the sky and wondered if anyone knew of his tortured soul. If anyone else felt what he felt.

He heard a horse gallop up behind him. He knew it was the mysterious followers. He looked up at Venis and Mars as he heard the person get off the horse. As soon as he heard them walk he knew whom it was. He had made their walking pattern engraved into it mind. He heard her come up behind him and he didn't even need to turn.

Queen Clarisse put her hand on his shoulder and sat down beside him. As he looked at her looked directly into her eyes. Maybe it was the planets or maybe it was just the way the night felt. Either way they felt themselves gravitate toward each other. Soon they had pressed lips and were deep into their own world.


	4. Wounded

Hello everybody. Thanks for the great reviews. Yes I realize the last chapter was like uber short, but meh. So now I will give you a long chapter hopefully I don't drag on about how sad it is. Maybe I'll even make things happen. Who knows. Well continue to enjoy the story. . **Hangs upside down. **Okay the Shakespeare thing meant absolutely nothing. And I give credit to Evanescence for the song My Immortal.

Joe stared blankly into the fountian. Its dragon form glared down at him. The water was new from the rain that continued to fall around him. Though he was not in this place. His mind was on last week. He had kissed her again.

He tilted his head to the side and heard a small crack. One he heard too often when he thought of her. The frustration of not having her had finally caught up. He pulled out his knife and looked at the blade. Its serrated tip shone in the lamplight.

Joe took it to his arm and let the cool blade rest on the flesh. The pain inside of him was too real. The wind blew up against his face. Whipping him with the rain, warning him of his actions. Suddenly rage burst through him and let the blade pierce the skin.

He cried out to the heavens, but no reply came. He went down onto his knees and slammed the knife into the ground. The fresh wind began to sting the cut. A drop of blood fell to the wet ground. He stared at the cut on his arm. With its bright red liquid, it eased something inside him.

Slowly he came back to reality. Peace flooded through his body and pulled the knife out of the ground. Now laughing at his insanity he sheathed the knife at his side. From his pocket he pulled out a bandage. He wrapped his wound tenderly.

The cut wasn't deep but it would be noticeable. So in his mind he made the excuse that a branch caught his arm when he was walking in the forest. Suddenly he found guilty and shame of such a lie. Only if Clarisse asked for the truth would he tells her the truth. Even so lying to his queen and loved one made the emotions broil beneath his skin.

He slowly made his way back to the castle. He put his coat on to hide the bandage on his forearm. He swiveled his head around and cracked his neck. As he walked through the front door, a maid approached him.

"The Queen wishes to see you, sir." She said quietly.

"He looked at her with compassion. It felt like he could see her pain. Maybe not recent pain, but there was some. He nodded and she continued her way. He closed his eyes, how was he to continue to hide? He shook his head and headed to the queen's chambers.

He knocked on the door and waited an answer. One of the queen's maids smiled and curtseyed him inside. He walked to the middle of the room and stood in front of the queen.

"You two are excused." She directed at the two handmaids. They nodded, curtseyed and left. Clarisse then turned her attention to Joe. "Look at you Joe, soaking wet. Take off your jacket I'll fetch you a towel.

She shook her head at him and he hesitantly took off his jacket. Clarisse obviously wanted to talk about something important otherwise she would not have thrown the towel at his face. He caught it and began to dry his face. He in haled the towel and felt her scent fill him.

"Joe! Your arm! What did you do to it?" She noticed.

"A tree branch caught me on my way back." He lied.

He saw her eyes shift to the blade at his side, then look back at his eyes. He saw her searching for the truth. He knew she did not believe him, though she hated to doubt him. Nor did she like him to think she didn't trust him.

"A tree branch? Well come with me we better clean it up."

Joe followed her into the bathroom. Clarisse sat him down on the tub edge. Taking out a first aid kit she looked at his bandage. Only a thin line of blood had stained it but, still, it looked pain full.

I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone

She untied the bandage and applied some soap. He winced at the sting. Clarisse looked up into his eyes as she washed out the soap. "You wince at a cut and you call yourself a body guard. Are you going to cry if you take a bullet for me?"

"It depends on if you notice."

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase_

She glared at him slightly and put polysporne (something that keeps it from getting infected) on the wound. Then she tenderly put a fresh bandage on it. "There, you would like me to kiss it better now?"

"That would be nice."

She smiled at him and kissed the bandage on top of the wound. He put his hand on her cheek and brought back to eye contact. He knew she felt just as much pain around him, otherwise that single tear would not be there. She turned away from his touch.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me

"This isn't right. I can't do this, Joseph. It's killing me."

"I do not know why I continue to pursue, I guess its killing me too."

"Joseph, I do love you, but I, I'm afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"I don't know I just have a fear."

_You used to captivate me  
By your resonating light  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me_

"You know I remember a time a fearless queen ruled my world. Where every time I was near her I knew that she was the one. Now I realise that perhaps I dreamt to much because you haunt my every moment." Joe softly whispered as he took her hand.

She turns to him and placed her hand on his cheek. Then she let her self fall onto his shoulder. He embraced her and felt his warmth and her warmth join as one. Suddenly all the insanity and pain he felt drained away. He kissed her and she let a small smile leak out.

For the moments that they stood there, it felt like time stood still. Nothing in the palace or in the country or even the world could continue. They stood there in the frozen time they had. They felt each other love and pain comfort them. And then all darkness was gone._  
  
_


	5. Someone From My Past

Does anyone know if it snows in Genovia? Well if it doesn't too bad for them cuz now it will snow. Yay for fluffy white ice! XD so tis is the update and I have one question for you...Are you going to read it? Obviously okay I'm just wasting time now slowly plotting out the events and all so enjoys!

Joe walked behind Clarisse as she did her Christmas give away. This is where she would walk down the street and toss presents to the people. And princess Mia was right there beside her helping.

They had finally finished handing stuff out and were heading back to the castle, when Joe noticed something. He didn't know why this one person stood out so much against the rest, but they did. They smiled at him as he caught their eye or at least what he assumed was so because they were wearing sunglasses.

"Joseph, what are you looking at?" Came the queen's voice.

Joe had realized he had stopped walking. "Nothing." He said plainly and continued to walk with them to the limo.

By the time they were at the palace he forgot all about the mysterious person. Instead he put his mind to the festivities. The Christmas Ball was one of the most glorious. But he wanted to ask one more time the same question he always asks her.

As soon as he entered with the queen, one of the junior officers ran up to him.

"Sir, we have an unidentified person running around the grounds."

"Ensure the royals to safety and show me where this person is!"

The guard led him to the camera room and showed him the places the person has been. Then a new screen flipped on and they were standing there. The same person, who was in the town, was here at the palace. Though they seemed kind of familiar, like he had met them before.

"That's the lake side, right?"

"Yes sir."

"Try to scare them towards the forest, I'll cut them off."

Joe ran faster then ever and he took every secret passage he knew. He saw the dark figure running his way and several other dark figures trying to catch them. He smiled, this person obviously has been trained to be a bodyguard, and otherwise they would not know where to run or even run that fast.

He saw them enter and nodded the security off. He chased the image through the trees and down the hill. He came to a rocky edge and heard something jump. He moved out of the way and dodged their pounce. He swung a punch and it was blocked. They other kicked and he caught and held it to his side.

He tossed them down the rest of the hill and heard a splash. He ran down after the sound and saw them barely getting out of the water. He grabbed them by the shirt and held them on the ground. By then their hood and glasses ad come off.

Joe looked astonished at the female who was there. Her dark hair and unusual blue eyes reflected the smirk on her lips. This Italian he knew quite well. He let go and helped her up.

"Rhea? What are you doing here?"

"Well should I answer that or should you beat me some more?"

"You knew you were challenging me. You never could beat me in collage."

"Maybe, but if I had the advantage I could, now."

"Right. So will you answer my question or not?"

"Well actually I'm here partly to see you and partly to see your queen."

"So instead of coming announced like everyone else, you pretend to be a threat."

"I wanted to see if you were up to the chase." Then she smiled even more so and kissed him. "I missed you."

"Rhea, you know how I feel. And, besides you and I were a long time ago."

She glared up at him. "Maybe so, but I will still try to win your heart back."

Heheheh. Sorry for the long wait schools been keeping me busy. Sorry it is short, but I'll update soon.


	6. When I Give In

Well school has been keeping me busy and I am too lazy to write stuff. So now I will make it up to you all with an uber long chappy. Just for you all.

Joe was very quiet on the way back up to the palace. Still contemplating over what Rhea had said, missing him. He did miss her too, but he was trying to remember why he broke up with her. Then it hit him. He was going to ask her to marry him, but that same day he had met Clarisse.

He remembered he had thought he loved Rhea, but really Joe never knew what love was. It was hard to explain this to Rhea. Joe knew he had hurt her bad. Thou never had he thought she still hoped he would come back. Maybe it is time to give up on Clarisse.

"Hey, you still single right?"

"Yes."

"Good."

"Rhea, do you really think you can win my heart?"

"I think your heart has been stomped on so many times by someone else, you would turn to me."

"Perhaps."

He entered through the palace doors, followed quickly by Rhea. Joe led her straight to the Queens office. Clarisse would not be happy with Rhea. False emergencies are not something one plays with.

Joe reached the office doors and knocked softly. He heard some shuffling then an officer was standing at the open doors. He bowed slightly and let them in. Joe waved the officer out and closed the doors. He looked up and for an instant straight into Clarisse's eyes.

Joe walked up to the queen and began. "This is Rhea Boetti, she caused the false alarm." He paused and with his eyes locked on hers he kept the queen calm. "Even so, she is here on business, and it is important that you speak with her now."

"Thank you Joseph." she said as calmly as possible. "Ms. Boetti, what business do you wish to speak of?"

Joe retreated to the corner of the room, but for some odd reason caught Rheas eye. She smirked slightly and walked up to the queen.

"You Majesty, I seek a place to hide. I wish that you allow me to hide here in Genovia for only a short period of time."

"Why do you need to hide?"

"I have been entrusted with a jewel that is wanted by many factions. It is the second of its kind." She pulled out a box and opened it. Inside was a rough edged blue diamond. "It is important that I keep it safe and secret."

Clarisse nodded and spoke again. "How long do you wish to stay?"

"Two weeks at most. I must keep moving if I don't wish to be found."

"Fine, Joseph?" Joe looked up. "You will be her escort. This is very important."

"Yes, Your Majesty. This way please, Rhea."

He escorted Rhea out of the room. It seemed like only seconds before Rhea burst out laughing.

"I never been in such a tense room and the expression you keep on your face! It's a wonder I even love you!"

"It is a professional area. One you of all should respect."

"Maybe, but for now, I don't."

It was silent for a few more minutes. He led her to the room she would stay in. Just before he opened the door. Rhea spoke again.

"She's the one you dumped me for, instant she?"

"Rhea, now isn't the time."

"I see the way you look at her, this sort of longing. Its actually kind of sad."

"How would you know? I had no expression during that whole time."

"I could see it in your eyes. So is she or is she not?"

"She is."

"I thought so. Well, good night."

With that Rhea entered the room and shut the door behind her. Joe called in two other officers to guard the door before he too retreated to his room. He just went to lie on his bed and stare at the ceiling. He looked at the clock with its large red numbers that spelt the time 9:00. He turned to sit up and opened the draw beside his bed.

He pulled out a small box and opened it. The pendent that gleamed back was a heart with two hands on it and a crown. The Irish love pendant. One he meant to give Clarisse many times. He took some gold wrapping paper and on the inside of it wrote down his poem. He sighed and wrapped the paper around the box.

Putting the box back into the draw, he stood up and went to his cabinet. Opening the glass doors he grabbed his knife. Joe carried it over to the bathroom and placed it by the sink. He went back to the cabinet and pulled out a flask of rum. Closing the doors he returned to the bathroom.

Joe rolled up his sleeves. On his left arm lay three scars. All straight lines and all one above the other. The scar closest to the elbow was the most recent. It had only finished healing the week before.

He took the knife out of its sheath and stared at the blade. Joe did not know why it called to him, or why he even had to cut himself twice more. Though in a sense he felt it released something from him. Possible the pain that he suppresses, maybe his depression.

Joe took the cool blade to his warm flesh. He let it slowly pierce the skin, the he pulled across, fast. The sudden pain was one he no longer flinched to. He looked at the blood that began to emerge. He held his arm over the sink to the blood would drop into it.

Whispering to himself, "By this blood, I love her." He let it drip.

Joe simply grabbed his cloth and stopped the bleeding. He poured some of the rum on it to sterilize the cut and simply wrapped the wound with a clean bandage. He took a swing from the flask and returned back to his room. He turned on some Jazz and sat down on his bed. He sighed and drank from the flask once more.

At 10:30 there was a knock on his door. He called the person to enter and she did. Rhea smiled down at his drunken appearance. He looked back at her and into her eyes. Imagined playing in the green. Too long had he played in the blue.

"Well. Isn't this a sight." She smoothly whispered.

"Indeed." He agreed though just barely through his mumbling.

Rhea walked over to him and he laid out fully on his bed. She smiled slyly and climbed up on top of his stomach. She sat there for a moment before she began again. "You know I bet I could whoop your ass right now."

Joe allowed hi head to fall down on the pillow. "Then why don't you show me."

Okay maybe it wasn't that long, but I tried. I really think ending it here will keep you wanting to see what's next. XD well I'll update soon.


	7. Shot Threw The Heart

Well wasn't my last chappy interesting? I agree. So let's move on. I'm glad you guys like what's going on, but know this might be the last chapter I don't know. Either this on or the next one. Anywho, I'm just giving you a heads up. Well enjoy. XD

Joe woke early the next morning. He knew instantly something was wrong. Maybe it was the person lying next to him maybe it was the guilt of sleeping with them. Either way something deeper felt wrong. He shifted slightly and looked at Rhea beside him. Though at the same time, he couldn't help but feel he had missed out on something his whole life.

Joe sighed and woke Rhea gently. She smiled at him and looked deep into his eyes. Joe had never seen such happiness come from her emerald eyes. He smiled and kissed on the forehead. Slowly he got out of the bed and went to get dressed.

"You better not let anyone see you leave my room. Rumors fly like locus in this castle." He said kind of in a croaked voice.

"Then stealth training will be useful. Though I highly doubt at five in the morning anyone else is up."

"You will be surprised in this castle."

"Perhaps." Rhea got out of the covers and put on her clothes.

She winked at Joe before she left. Quietly she opened the door and left. She got back to her room without being seen. Or at least that's what she thought. Clarisse was on her way to talk to Joe, when she saw Rhea leave. In fact it had left Clarisse standing in the hallway gaping for quite sometime.

Clarisse knew exactly what Rhea was doing in Joe's room this early. Well, it was very obvious since Rhea was sneaking back to her room. Clarisse could not believe what she saw, nor would she let herself. Slowly she went back to her chamber and did believe her eyes. The pain she felt was too much and she let herself cry for the first time in a long time.

When Joe finally left the room. He felt that he needed to talk to Clarisse. It was a glorious Christmas Eve morning and he felt nothing could upset it. He silently smiled to himself and walk in a kind of strut he had not used since he was younger. It seemed like record timing that he managed to get to the queen's chambers.

Joe knocked on the door and waited an answer. One of the queen's maids opens the door and Joe smiled, but the maid gave him a deep glare. He blinked, and shook his head as he passed her. _What the devil was wrong with her?_ Joe entered the main room and waited for Clarisse to come and greet him.

She entered but not with her usual smile, but simply a very tolerant look. Joe knew that she was angry with him, though why would she? She did not see..._oh god! She knows._ Clarisse waved the servants away before she began.

"I hope Rhea enjoyed herself last night."

Those words pierced his heart, he felt the back of his neck begin to burn and the pit of his stomach knot.

Clarisse continued. "Though, why was she there?"

He looked down at the ground, He could no longer look her in the eye and then he whispered word the burned through him and into her. "Because I am tired of feeling this way."

Clarisse softened her expression and swallowed back her guilt and pain. "So you would rather be with her."

"No, but at the same time I can't feel this way. No more, Clarisse, no more."

She knew too that it would end, but deep down she hoped it would last forever. Joe rolled up his sleeve and she would have fallen if it were not for the fact that she was sitting. She saw the cuts he made on his arm.

"I have to be honest. These are too perfect to come from trees. I self inflict pain to shred my inner torment."

"I know. I knew that when you first cut yourself."

"I'm sorry it has come to this." And with that he left, but before he left he placed a small gold box on the table by the door. He gave one last solemn look and left. He traveled the hallways to towards Rhea's room. Never had he gotten so many glares in his life. Though he barely noticed.

He knocked on Rhea's door and she answered. She smiled at him and allowed him to enter. As soon as she shut the door she pounced on him with a kiss. He drew away very quickly.

"I do not love you, Rhea."

"Then what was last night?"

"A drunk and depressed man, who did not want to be alone."

"You were always a bit too stubborn with you emotions."

"The Queen knows."

Rhea looked up at him. "So, what of it?"

"It hurt her very much that I was with you and it hurt me just as much. I can not do that. I will ask you to leave as soon as you can."

"I don't think it hurts her as much as it hurts you, but perhaps I will leave soon. Though only for you."

He smiled and thanked her. He spent the whole day escorting her around and answering her questions. It was almost eight in the evening by the time he returned her to her room. He bowed and told her he would return in an hour to take to the ball.

He left and returned in what seemed like minutes. He even had his tux on, which was kind of surprising the Rhea because he seemed very dazed. Entering the ballroom he slipped into the far corner. He did not wish to be seen.

Clarisse sighed again after Joe left. Her heart felt like it had been crushed and shred till there was nothing left. She knew he loved her, but what happened said otherwise. Maybe he did not love like she thought. Mia entered through the door and smiled at her grandmother. Though the smile seemed to slip away when Mia saw her grandmothers expression.

"Hey, Grandmere, are you okay?"

"Yes, fine, just fine."

The tone Mia knew well in that the tone was only used when there was a problem. "Are other countries threatening us again or..." Looking at her grandmother more closely. "Did you and Joe have a fight."

"You won't leave me alone until I tell you, will you?"

"Probably not."

"I suppose you could call it a fight, but I think it was more of a lose of comfort." Clarisse look up into Mia's eyes. "Why does he have to be that way?"

"What happened?"

"He was with Rhea all last night. Though I was told he had jazz on last night, which means he was drinking. Maybe that's his excuse, I don't know."

"Joe drinking? Weird... Are you saying Joe was like with "with" Rhea?"

"Yes."

"Oh My God! Wow, Joe, that's not like him."

"I know. Its just so frustrating."

"Wow, you really love Joe don't you."

All Clarisse could do at that point was nod. She let some tears fall and Mia saw them. She went and sat by her grandmother. Soon they were in a tight hug. Clarisse knew that Joe would now stay as far away as possible from her. Though tonight at the Christmas Ball he had no choice but to be there.

Suddenly Clarisse felt angry. No longer looking for sadness or pity she stood and began to occupy herself. Mia took the hint.

"Grandmere, would you rather be alone?"

"No! Why would I?" The hint of anger boiling between words.

"You just seem like you could use some alone time."

"Alone time... I HAVE SPENT ENOUGH TIME ALONE! HE IS SUCH A ..A..a, I don't know." The anger subsided a bit

"Let the anger out."

"HE CAN BE SO FOOLISH! I KNOW IT'S NOT OBVIOUS, BUT HE CAN! RHEA MUST BE VERY SLICK TO BE ABLE TO PERSUADE HIM TO A BED WITH HER! GOD DAMN IT!" She slammed her fists on the desk.

She took in a deep breath. "Have the day to yourself Mia. I think I need to be alone."

Joe stood in his corner, looking very solemn. Though he knew everyone there, he did not feel like talking. All the people there were of Genovia. All of them of parliament of course and their families.

He plugged in his earpiece. The reports going through seemed normal. Mostly of the arrivals and keeping order to the ball. He realized then that Mia was walking over to him. She smiled at him and stood beside Joe.

"I heard about last night."

"Who hasn't?"

"You know I never though you would do something like that."

"I wouldn't if I was sober."

"Why were you drinking then?"

"There was just too much pain."

"You know, it sounds funny to hear that you were drinking. Its like something you would never even do."

"Yes I know, that's why you shall keep that between you and me."

"Of course."

"Mia, I don't think your grandmother knows how much it hurts."

"Maybe she does."

Joe shifted his glance towards Mia, who simply smiled back. Joe gave her a small smile and Mia knew she achieved making him feel better.

"So is that Rhea?"

She pointed at Rhea who was wearing an emerald dress. "Yes."

"She is beautiful."

"Not as beautiful as Clarisse."

"I'll let her know you said that."

"Maybe she'll talk to me again."

"Hey, I believe you're the one who has been avoiding her."

"I'd rather not face her wrath quite yet. I'm still in shock from this morning."

"She said nothing that could allow you to hurt."

"Maybe not, but hurts to say what I said."

Mia nodded, just as a new report came in. He listened closely to the words. _"There is a group of men heading into the ballroom. Possible danger. We are trying to cut them off now. Requesting back up."_ Mia saw the Joe's face change. He looked up at the guests. All very clueless, then he caught Rheas eye. She knew they were here for her.

Joe turned to Mia. "Tell your Grandmother that there is trouble in the entrance hall. I'm on my way to help stop it." Suddenly Mia noticed the security rushing out of the room. "Get the guests to safety."

As soon as he finished he left the room. Locking the doors behind him. He heard rushing feet and gun shots. As he ran down the hall two security guards came running up to him. The first one of them spoke.

"We got most of them but there are three left."

"Sir, what do they want?" asked the second.

"A very rare jewel. Look one of you take this passage." Joe opened one of the paintings like a door. "And come around behind them. One of you and me will try to hold them off. By the way, where are the rest of the security?"

"Half are wounded and half are taking the captured to a holding cell."

Joe nodded and helped one of them threw the hole. He shut the painting just in time to hear the enemy approaching. He and the other guard got into a crouched position and waited. Catching the enemy by surprise they got one before the rest started shooting.

He did not really know if he was aiming, but soon he was out of bullets. He threw his gun at one of their heads the guy swayed a bit. And then threw his gun a Joe. Joe dodged this and caught the guy by the arm. He hit it three times before he heard a crack.

The other security guard finally got back. He shot both of the guys that were left in the legs. The guards removed the guns and placed them carefully in a bag. With all the adrenaline gone Joe realized he had been shot. There were two places that pained, in his lower left leg and in the right side of his upper chest.

He felt himself sway and this wave of nausea washed over him. Soon he felt the cold ground and some warm liquid begin to pool beneath him. Then he heard voices and someone screaming. Then he heard some one calling out for an ambulance right before he passed out into darkness.


	8. In The End

A/N: We have come to our final chapter. That's right this is the last chapter to this fanfic. One because if I extended it any longer I bore you out of your minds, and two because well I got other fanfics to write and cough fix.

Lets see I left off him being shot right. Yes I realize it would be cruel to leave it there, so I won't. Well enjoy this chapter and please, please review, because well I want to know if over all you liked it. XD enjoys!

Falling. Falling into darkness. The happiness and love he knew were gone, forever. His anger and sadness pulled him further into the shadow. Veiling himself from the light, he let his heart die. The same questions ring through his ears. _What is left now? What is left now that she is gone? What hope do I have to live? Should I even try? _Cold air rushing past him freezing and numbing his bare skin. It coolness even slipped through the layered clothing he wore. The tears that rolled off his cheek and flew above him, but soon dropped as they were transformed into ice. He closed his tired eyes and was ready to surrender to death. But, from above him he heard a faint whisper, which woke his mind. Its soothing and calm voice slowed him until he was frozen in the air. Lying there he looked up. A small light appeared and he squinted at its brightness. It had certain warmth to it. Warmth that made him reaches out his pale hand. As he reached for it he felt all his pain and anguish fall away. Then he began to rise.

As he stared at the light, images flashed before his eyes. Someone's life, but not his. Clarisse's life flashed before him or at least what he knew of it. He felt her every emotion, as well as those around her. Slowly he began to realize how important he was to her. How she herself could not live if he died.

Suddenly he fell so fast and so hard he had no time to think. He felt like he hit the ground. Suddenly he jolted up off a bed table. Gasping he looked around himself confused. The doctors and nurses seemed very surprised, some trying to calm him down other too shocked to do anything.

"Where am I?" he said in a very horsed voice through gasping.

"Calm down sir, your at the hospital. We are trying to help you now lay back." He felt himself being forced down. "Rest we will talk later."

"No.. I... need...I ...need ...to..to.." He felt them inject something and soon he was unconscious again.

He awoke again in a white room. He slowly sat up as not to startle anyone. Though no one was there to startle. He looked around the room and saw multiple presents and balloons. Cards and posters with "GET WELL SOON!" written across them. He took in slow deep breaths.

The nurse must have noticed, for a few minutes later she and the doctor came in. The doctor was in a normal white coat though he had Scottish features. He even had the flaming red hair. He smiled at Joe and walked over to him.

"Good to see you awake. I hear you gave them a bit of a scare in the operating room." First thing he said.

"What happened? How long have I been here? I should get back to the palace."

"Hold on there, you are in no shape to leave for at least a few more days. As for what happened you were shot in the right collarbone and through your left leg. And you have been sleeping for two days now." He continued to smile. "By the way I am Doctor McKay."

Joe looked at him. He didn't feel like talking, he felt like going back to Clarisse. He wanted to hold her and kiss her. He wanted to apologize again and take back what he said.

"Here." The doctor held up a small piece of metal for Joe to take. "That's the bullet we found in your collar bone. The other on went straight through your leg. Mighty brave of you, I know many men who would have ran for their lives."

Joe took the bullet and smiled slightly. "When duty calls, I come a running to it."

The McKay smiled and left. Over the next couple of days Joe learned to use his left leg again. Since it was shot it wasn't as strong as the other. His collarbone had only been cracked but he still had to where a bandage for six more weeks. Eventually they let him leave and thank God. He was sick of hospital food. All he wanted has Cocoa Puffs.

Joe had to use a cane now to help his leg, but he would have preferred to limp. The pain wasn't much, just small amounts. So he entered through the front doors. Anyone who was around simply said, "Welcome back, Sir" mostly because they had things to get done. Though he wasn't in the door for five minutes before Mia came running up to him.

"Welcome back Joe! We missed you so much!"

"I missed you as well." He opened up his free arm to give her a hug. Which she almost sent herself flying into. "How has it been?"

"Not bad, I think your injuries severely affected Grandmere."

"Why do you say that?" He said as he started walking towards his room with Mia at her side.

"Well, she has been very mopey and depressed since the ambulance took you away. Though to be honest only the people here in the palace have noticed. So how was the hospital treating you?"

"Evil. I never want to go back."

Mia laughed. "You should probably go see her. She would like that."

"Yes, I will, but first I must shower. I didn't like those showers there much."

"Oh forget about the shower. You look and smell fine."

"Yes but I feel dirty."

"That's too bad."

"You know you become more and more like you Grandmother everyday."

"Yeah, I knew that."

She walked away laughing. He shook his head and entered his room. The fresh smell of winter washed over him and he smiled even more so. He missed his own bed and home. He took hi winter coat off and put on his leather jacket. He saw a bright pink sticky note on his desk. He shook his head and went over to read. He sighed deeply at the note as he read it.

_Hey Super Man,_

_Looks like you could dodge bullets after all. Thanks for saving my ass yesterday. If you want to talk you know how to find me._

_Love Rhea_

He chuckled to himself, another forties maybe he'll talk to her. He decides to skip his shower and head to the queen's office. Though he suddenly was very nervous. What would he say to her? How would he say anything? Guilt rushed past him and flooded through his emotions.

He stood there by the door for ten minutes. He felt eyes all around him watching him. He knew they would, they all seemed to know why he was there. Slowly he raised his arm up and knocked. He heard your muffled words "Come In." through the door.

Slowly he opened and stepped in. As he looked up into her eyes he saw the loneliness and pain. She took in a deep breath and came out from behind her desk. He couldn't help himself. He flooded towards her and embraced her into a hug. To his surprise she held him tight to her. They stood there in a hug for a long time. He felt her begins to cry and he felt himself shed some tears too.

Joe spent the rest of the day watching over her. Though they did not say much to each other, they enjoyed being around one another. Joe had left to attend to some things and returned to find Clarisse gone. He saw a note and only read "_The cliff of night"_. Joe smiled he knew exactly where she went.

Soon he was in the stables and preparing a horse. Taking note that Clarisse's horse was not there at the same time. He rode off through the grounds, with a pain through his leg every so often, but he made it to their lake. The one with the small cliff over looming the lake side.

Sure enough her horse was there. He smiled to himself. He got off the horse and took his cane. He made his way to the cliff and found her sitting there. She gave him a small smile as he sat down beside her.

"They gave you a cane?" She asked.

"Yeah. It makes me feel old and useless, but I guess I'm getting use to it."

"Hmm. That was a beautiful poem, Joseph."

He looked at her and noticed she was wearing the necklace. "Well, it was written about someone special to me. Someone I hope to never disappoint again or lose."

He lay down now looking up at the night sky. The stars sparkled and the snow was kind of cold. Though it didn't bother him much. Clarisse looked at him with a soft look. She lay down beside him resting her head on his chest.

Joe sat up and brought her with him. He looked deep into her eyes and swam into the blue. He leaned in and kissed her. Softly he spoke to her. "You are the only one I ever have loved."

She looked at him and shut her eyes with pain. "Joseph, as much as I love you, nothing can be between us. We can not be one while I rule a country."

He pulled her closer and wrapped his arms around her. "I know."

"Will you wait for me?"

"I would wait forever. Forever."


End file.
